All posts in My Listening Year

Grime Of Life

by admin on December 2, 2009 in My Listening Year with 3 Comments

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by how gross this life is? This world is? On many levels! Like the molds that so quickly start in your house if you turn your back too long all the way up to the warfare tactic of raping communities! The mold is gross; the crime against fellow humans is horrific… Been thinking about how filthy this life is… how it builds and sticks and weights you down…
It is messy and so easily can cloud your vision with all the dust and grime. A new struggle in our family this week brought home that feeling of filth and with it I showed such poor character that I was hit with disgust at how messy I can let my focus and my heart become. Ever find the worse you feel about your behavior the worse you behave??

It is hard to continue a misdirected focus in life when you are singing word so carefully written to glorify God… often in life I have been pulled out of a stupor by words and song… even when teaching your daughter a carol you can be redirected! I had never really noticed this verse in ‘It Came Upon A Midnight Clear’ before…

And ye, beneath life’s crushing load
Whose forms are bending low,
Who toil along the climbing way
With painful steps and slow,
Look now! for glad and golden hours
Come swiftly on the wing:
O rest beside the weary road, and hear the angels sing.

A song on the radio as I headed home from the grocery store as well as a message that came out of a program my man and I watched tonight pushed the prick of his Spirit deeper and deeper till it hit its mark… Life is dirty but his blood washes clean… life is full of struggle but we are NOT meant to do it on our own … this world is dying but he is the healer… anger, frustration and the filth where rinsed away… It is so much easier to see now…

TTFN

Baby Stumble Baby Step

by admin on November 29, 2009 in Bits Of My Personality, My Listening Year with 2 Comments

I have been so thankful to have less fatigue this week that I might have gotten a bit carried away. Filled my days pretty full and went pretty hard for the first part of the week… needless to say I was breathless at the end of the week. I found myself jittery and kinda worn out.

I realized my prayer time had suffered, I stumbled into cookie cutter prayers again. I was doing the same old ‘be with me Lord, be with me Lord… oh gotta run, hope your coming too!’ pray…

The other night I gave into the gnawing need to quiet myself and have some focused prayer time.
I had barely closed my eyes when ‘be with me Lord’ escaped my lips…
I froze as soon as I said it…
His Spirit called to me to come.
I winced and was stilled as my heart felt the prick…
He was still softly asking me to come…
and it hit me like a ton of bricks…
I was again running ahead…

In that quiet moment, in the whispered conversation between my savior and I…

My ‘please be with me Lord’ was instantly traded in for ‘I come to you Lord’…

So again I took his hand…

I traded in my reckless headstrong racing ahead for trust, obedience and a willingness to be lead by my Lord.

TTFN

Beyond

by admin on November 23, 2009 in My Listening Year with 1 Comment

Why just tithe?

I feel like a lot of the institutional church pushes the ten percent because that is all they think they can get out of us so they are gonna work hard to get at least that… I am wondering today though if that is the cause or the effect? Perhaps GIVING is to be just as much a part of our spiritual growth process as everything else?

At some point the real followers of Christ will feel moved to invest what they have been given… They will be urged by the Spirit to do more then bury their coin in the ground and wait for Christ to return… ‘You could have at least invested it??’ said the king to the disappointing servant… He could have at least tithed to a church!

I am thinking lately that we need to break free of this limitation as with all limitations of the institutionalized church… we need to embrace the CHURCH, the bride of Christ, our brothers and sisters united by the Holy Spirit and allow ourselves to be taught, selflessness and GIVING, by the Lord. It goes so beyond the stifling concepts taught about tithing…

If we seek to live by the Spirit he will lead us beyond what the institutionalized church calls tithing and toward freedom. We will seek investments into souls and perhaps we will learn to skip the middle man and do it directly.

TTFN

Every Now And Then Was Today

by admin on November 15, 2009 in Bits Of My Personality, Mama Heart Mushings, My Listening Year, My Romance with 8 Comments

HOPE!

Every now and then a woman has a perfectly lovely day for no particular reason. Nothing out of the ordinary, in fact the day is usually completely ordinary!

Today was such a day.

Just days ago I felt like writing a play by play ‘day in the life of ME’ type thing because it all felt so ridiculously difficult. I wake up assuming I will keep it together and more often then not I have sunk like a stone lately…

Hope held me back and I didn’t blog…

Time to focus on the victory in my life and the blessings and Jesus. With little steps I went from a dark valley to the hill… stayed there looking at that monster hill for a while but then the little steps took me slowly up… I am pretty sure I am still on my way up but ‘I’ve come a long way baby’.

I think my senses are hungry lately… my ears really want to hear… my eyes really want to take it in… my hands to grasp, clasp, feel…

I want to taste and see that the Lord is good! Forgive me if I don’t mention smell for I have no experience with this sense (wink).

Woke up late (yahoo for sleeping in) and savored a cup of tea drowned in cream and honey toast smothered in cinnamon.
Took a brisk walk down my fall drenched street to the salon at the community mini mall.
Meet a wonderful person and she did my hair! Discovered how small the world was as we talked and realised all the mutual people we know.
Walked home, very slowly, tickled pink at an excellent hair cut.
Burst in the door and snuggled my baby, then snuggled my three year old daughter, then hugged my man!
Chased my older two around and around the kitchen and living room as I cleaned up and they pretended to be spy’s following me.

The afternoon was largely spent NAPPING!

The evening was spent grocery shopping. It was just me and my half sweet gingerbread latte filling the cart. I was singing and humming the song Daddy and I had sang to Baby Boy just before I left. He stopped our hearts by singing back to us in his own language and I couldn’t stop thinking about his little song and head sway… I checked myself out with the self serve check out machine and had no problems! Happy, I puttered home.. Eagerly I unpacked the groceries so I could dig into the fresh fruit!

I was welcomed home to a warm house and soft worship music on the stereo. My man greeted me with the magical news that all four kids where in bed! I am now eagerly waiting for our evening tea time together!

What was so different about today, what was so special, why can’t I trap such days in a bottle and save them for later when I am wigging out?

Thank you Jesus for all the blessings in my life! Thank you for the every now and then days!

TTFN

Counting It A Big Blessing!

by admin on November 12, 2009 in Do I Call It Parenting Advice?, Four Little Eggs In My Nest, Mama Heart Mushings, My Listening Year with 1 Comment

I find at a young age all children posses the heart of a helper and if parents calm down enough about perfection the child learns how to be good at helping. I am learning to be this parent.

Big Girl used to play ‘Cinderella’ when she was little. I would give her a damp cloth and she would, well, smudge everything in her path but with an earnest heart and desire to help Mommy. Big Boy was my little tidy up ‘Prince Charming’ and still is. He loves helping Mommy clean up the clutter in no time at all.

Little Woman is now entering that stage and partly because she like to feel like a minny mom. For the last couple weeks she has insisted on drying the dishes. I was very nervous about it at first and tried to deter her but, as many of you may no, three year olds are amazingly susceptible to ‘reverse psychology’ so this back fired for me.

Turns out she is quick, very careful and dedicated! I thought the fun would wear off right away but she is still drawn to me like a magnet when the sink starts filling up with suds and hot water! I clearly see one reason she really enjoys this is because she has me pinned down and can talk my ear off. I often get a little tired and just start doing the ‘uh hu‘, ‘oh yah‘, ‘yes dear’ but more often I really enjoy listening to her describe her crazy ‘Little Woman world’.

And please don’t offer to help! Oh she gets mad if I suggest she not worry about the last few dishes or try to dry them for her! And Mommy better get out of the way when it is time to wipe down the sinks at the end, this too is HER JOB! Truth is, if you can’t already tell, I appreciate the help GREATLY and adore the company while washing the dishes. It has made this miserable job something to look forward to!

I can count my blessings! I have been hoping for a dish washer and while I haven’t gotten that yet the Lord sent me company, conversation and a loving littler helper to make my burden lighter:)

TTFN

Only Love

by admin on November 11, 2009 in Music Flavor, My Listening Year with 4 Comments
Words and music by Carolyn Arends and Brad Crisler
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” — Martin Luther King Jr.

No one ever overcomes the dark with darkness
It takes a little light to chase the shadows back
So tell me why I try to fight the hate with hatred
When only love can do that

When I’m in this hole I just keep digging deeper
And when I lose my way I circle ’round this track
Trying to mend my heart with all the things that break it
When only love can do that

Only love, only love
Only love, only love
The more I try to fill me up
The more I lack
‘Cause only love can do that

Well I could swear sometimes it seems like I’m in quicksand
Or like I’m sinking fast in water cold and black
I go deeper down the more I try to save me
Guess only love can do that

Only love, only love
Only love, only love
The more I try to fill me up
The more I lack
‘Cause only love can do that

Well I have heard it said that you might be the answer
And it occurs to me — that could be a fact
‘Cause it was you who gave your life up for another
And only love can do that

Only love, only love
Only love, only love
The more I try to fill me up
The more I lack
‘Cause only love can do that

C 2001 Songs of Peer, Ltd / Mr. Marley’s Music (ASCAP)/EMI/April Music
Inc./Waltztime Music, Inc. (ASCAP)

Over and over again I am blessed by Carolyn Arends music. She is amazingly insightful and blessed with the ability to put such wise concepts into beautiful and easy to understand lyrics.
GOD IS LOVE, Jesus is God and his Holy Spirit lives in me… if I want to live by and in and through the Spirit then I must live by LOVE…
HE, God, Jesus, The Holy Spirit, LOVE is the opposite of human nature…

THUS THE BATTLE!

I have a battle in my heart… everyone does… to respond to life and people with LOVE or AGGRESSION (anger, fear, hate all being under the banner of aggression).

The more I think about my God and my people the less I have a selfish pull to respond with aggression. The more I seek to live by the Spirit the less often I find hills to die on. Do I want to win at the cost of others? I am coming to a place where I don’t.

It is not easy to choose love,…there is always a cost…
it is painful to learn selflessness because it requires constant sacrifice, and never stops for it is a continual choice in each and every situation and with each and every person…
it is painful treading water, trying to not sink when those you seek to love repeatedly try to pull you under…

I can’t seem to find the words… I can’t say it as clearly as Carolyn so I include her amazing lyrics… I have been feeling her words in my spirit long before I heard them and so when I listened to this song called ‘Only Love’ I weep in relief and agreement.

There really is no other option!
…for we don’t win if we think only of ourselves
…we don’t win if we live out of an aggressive nature
…we don’t win by force
We win by surrender!
Christ alone can win so let him win in your life!

THE BATTLE IS THE LORDS AND THE VICTORY IS OURS!

p.s. It struck me as I worked on this post how frightening it is to love and live like this because we have to trust that Jesus will have our back… we can’t worry about protecting ourselves! I AM AFRAID but ‘perfect love casts out all fear’ and ‘he has not given us a spirit of fear’!

TTFN

Honesty Is Warm, Masks Are Cold

by admin on October 31, 2009 in My Listening Year, People In My Heart with 1 Comment


I am good at wearing masks and tell myself that they are not just for my pride sake but necessary to function socially in a healthy fashion. I have been waiting for a place to be real, some women to be real with and I knew that was a God given desire and longing. I have had those types of connections in the past and I am thankful and optimistic about getting to know more sisters now and into the future. Transparency is key though and that doesn’t come naturally.

Tonight as I opened up about something I have been struggling with for years I felt initially scared, it has been such a precious secret of mine. I realise, almost as soon as I opened my mouth to share, it hasn’t be necessary to hold it in so tightly.

They prayed over me and I am so thankful. My Little Woman sat behind me on the couch as they laid hands on me and she mumbled in prayer and drove her hot wheel truck up and down my back… a moment of beautiful humor in the middle of a blessed and personal experience.

Secrets are only serious and big as long as they are keep secrets, friends are only so distant until you open up and let them through the door to your heart, life is only so hard when you think you are the ONLY ONE!

I am sitting in my living room still glowing from the spiritual time we had tonight. The comfy warmth in my home is the Spirit and he leaves me with a feeling like those perfect moments in front of a fire, with a cup of your favorite tea, and your cat on your lap, your favorite over sized sweater draped around you and a cold winters day at bay…

and I am thanking Jesus for honesty and unity among sisters tonight!

TTFN

Speak Selflessness Into Your Child

by admin on October 20, 2009 in Do I Call It Parenting Advice?, My Listening Year with 1 Comment

All summer I have been working at finding quiet time to go through a message series called ‘Soul Sisters’.

Today I listened to the final message in a series.

A parenting lesson rang out in this message. It was a lesson in how we speak to our kids. How we convince them to do what is right. We often get into the habit of convincing them to do right by reminding them of the self consequences or benefits to self and in the process aid in the development of a selfish world view. Instead, if we truly desire them to be empathetic and aware of others around them we should seize each little opportunity to start speaking in a selfless fashion.

Provers 31 is an oracle taught to a king by this mother. Around verse four she talks about the dangers of drinking to much and the consequences she uses are outside of how it will affect him. It is a lesson in selflessness as well. “…it is not for kings to drink wine…or else they will drink and forget what has been decreed, and will pervert the rights of all the afflicted.”

How often have I told my kids ‘don’t do that!’ and the why not is a consequence unto themselves? I strongly desire my kids to think of others and this gave me another example of how to improve my parenting skills in this area.

The day my daughter came home and shared with me about her kindness to a bully I was surprised at her wisdom and reminded that children, in their innocence, can understand moral behaviour better then we do. “There was a mean boy bugging my brother today. I got in his face and told him to stop… and then I remembered he might be like that because no one plays with him so I asked him to come play on the monkey bars with me and we played all lunch hour.” She didn’t just react in justified anger but went a step further and empathised with him, even though he was in the wrong. I pray the Lord continues to bless her and me with such understanding.

Check it out! It introduces an interesting interpretation of the ‘PROVERBS 31 WOMAN’ too.

TTFN

Faith? Pondering…

by admin on October 19, 2009 in My Listening Year with 1 Comment
I am so tired tonight but this is bouncing around in my head so I want to put it down, to take a rest from the pondering, and come back to it.

“The key to faith isn’t believing something, really really hard, into being; but getting involved in God’s will.”

Wait on the Lord for the knowledge of His will and then once you know it you will know what to ask and you can believe His promises.

“And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.” 1 John 5:14

(I added the italics, to help me focus.)

Wow. Okay, if he is gonna basically tell us, if we will come to Him and wait on Him, then it makes the whole mustard seed statement about faith simple. It isn’t some mystery Christ is speaking. He really means that is all the faith we need! The faith is in God, believing God will do what he said he would do.

How many times have I felt God was going to do something but been like this ‘I have know idea how you can make this work God…’ but in obedience, if I pray for it to be or take the step that I am required to do, then that is enough faith! That is the mustard seed!

The mustard seed only becomes mystical when we try to work it into our agenda… we rush on with OUR plans and pray for God to bless what WE are doing… That is not the mustard seed.

Though it might be impossible for ME and YOU, nothing is impossible with God!

Comments welcome, as assistance in the pondering.

P.S. I feel a ‘why is this hard to do’ if it is a simple concept, post to follow…

TTFN

Each New Day Christ Loves Me Gently

by admin on October 13, 2009 in Bits Of My Personality, Four Little Eggs In My Nest, Mama Heart Mushings, My Listening Year with 1 Comment

What could be more lovely for a sleep deprived mommy then to get to crawl back into bed? What would be more soothing to a weary teary soul then some snuggle time with a piece of my heart (Little Woman).

The morning was gray, I awoke with the regular headache, and the snowy weather had me craving comfy… In spite of my desire to bury my head in the blankets, my body got going. The oldest two have a bus to catch and the husband needs a woman’s assistance in the morning (I wish for his sake that woman had been friendlier).

Made sure the oldest two had all they needed and rushed them out the door with a hug, a wave and a prayer. Had a quiet breakfast of porridge and tea, kissed my husband good bye for the day… and the younger two where still sleeping.

My girls share a double bed, I seized the day and jumped in to snuggle with my three year old once the house was quiet again. I watched her sleep, such perfect eye lashes and what a button nose. Listened to the quiet of a peaceful home, felt the stillness like a warm blanket and drifted into a nap. I knew I had to eventually get up and get things done, but the idea felt almost painful. I was immersed in the now and so in love with my beautiful daughter.

Little Woman fluttered her eyes open and instantly popped out of bed like a Jack-in-the-box. Back to reality for mommy. I am sure she wondered why mommy’s voice chocked as we greeted one another ‘good day’; I was absolutely filled with thankfulness. This had been a sweet gift in time for me! It was just what I needed and I couldn’t help but give thankful praise to my Jesus as I poured Little Woman her porridge and cream.

My morning felt like a firm wrap around hug from my father God to me… if only I was always so aware!

TTFN

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