Is a comfort zone really comfortable? I am starting to wonder…
Seems like an illusion or an oxymoron of some kind because, in my case, my comfort zones are only slightly comfortable until someone points them out. Then the bubble bursts and I feel super uncomfortable. Can’t tell yourself you are brave when your fears come to light. They are about as comfortable as a prison, a prison that we let ourselves forget about… until someone comes up and says “So why are you sitting in here? It isn’t locked you know… You are free in Christ so just step out?”
I had one of those moments this morning and it was FABULOUS! Well not fab at first… at first I got really embarrassed about my comfort zone and tried to defend it… then on the way home I was confronted with the fact that I already agreed with Christ that it was time to leave that zone behind and yet it had slipped my mind till a friend, unknowingly, pointed out the prison/comfort zone… I am still sitting in it!! I went from being embarrassed about it to being frustrated, and all in one contemplative car ride home.
I must point out I have been taking steps… but this mornings conversation made me think they had only gotten me across, not out, of the zone. I had this strange feeling that now that I could admit this was fear that Christ wants me to take a Christ sized step… meaning I am not doing this on my own anymore but trusting in him…By the time I got home I was renewing my agreement with Christ. Time to take some action… time to RUN outta this prison… now to pray about how to go about that:)
I am so thankful for moments of clarity brought on when visiting with a brother or sister in the Lord. I am so thankful to be once again aware and ready to step out of this comfort zone. I can admit this has to do with fear more then keeping myself comfortable and I need not have fear with Jesus in my life!
Well first thing is it was the fastest one I have experienced yet. I believe the continual parade of scheduled trips and events is to blame for that. There where very very few unplanned days in the mix this year. It went so much better then expected. Not nearly the break downs or walls of fatigue hit that I expected.
And beauty? Oh so much beauty was found in this lightning fast season! Summer was a grand adventure! My husband and I found plenty of time to romance one another and my kids and I had many days in the sun and fun. We travelled more then I ever think this crew of ours has and we liked it too!
Fast, beautiful and adventurous. Let me share some pictures!
(Hello handsome, we are going to be seeing a lot more of each other this coming year! It’s you and me baby!)
This is it… the last week off before school… oh my heart twists in knots this time each year. I am usually tired enough to be thankful for school starting up and the break during the day but I am always a little unhappy at the thought of having less of my kids because, lets face it, despite how bad they CAN be they are really sweet kids and I enjoy being with them and like them AS PEOPLE.
I know watching my youngest daughter start her kindergarten journey is going to be the biggest heartache for me this year. My older two really enjoy school and thrive with the social life they get there but Dannan… she is starting out and who knows how it will all be for her… all I know is she has been my shadow right up until… now… next week… and is my helper and chatty kathy and snuggly bud at nap time so… phew so perhaps I am trying to make myself cry with this… moving on!
This was one of those perfect New England days in late summer where the spirit of autumn takes a first stealing flight, like a spy, through the ripening country-side, and, with feigned sympathy for those who droop with August heat, puts her cool cloak of bracing air about leaf and flower and human shoulders.
~Sarah Orne Jewett
That all being said, I am always ready for adventure, enjoy life as it moves and flows so I don’t look back to sad with regrets at wasted time… so I am really pumped about more time with my littlest man and more time to work on my library career again and… MORE TIME:)
While I wasn’t impressed that he decided to spend his last dollar on one of those cheep toy dispensers at the mall I must say he looked terribly cute walking around the mall with me, wearing his mustache. He got a lot of double take looks and it only encouraged him. He kept doing ‘the smolder’ and saying ‘well well (clearing throat) hello there, hello there’ while swaggering around like a very sophisticated chap.
Insecure -not confident or certain; uneasy; anxious
And as the tests and the visits to doctors and health care workers of every kind increase I remain insecure as in the definition, listed above, to a tee. Been wondering why the flood of emotions about everything comes only when I am attending yet another test or appointment and then I realised I was feeling exactly that, insecure. Not sure if they will find anything, not sure if it is worth it and not sure I like feeling like a SICK person. Not sure how I am too feel or handle all this… stressing on this as I contemplate others in my family, who have faced worse, how they have and would handle it ‘better’ then me.
Flipped out a couple times and not with the expected ‘why me’ moments, but with a sense of ‘WHAT THE’… insecurity… in the system, in my self… in those who love me… Is it right? Is it wrong of me? Is it anyone elses place to answer that question for me?
Going through a learning curve here and meeting some parts of me that perhaps only having two mysterious health conditions could bring forth for examination. I do know I was getting depressed about it all. It took the beautiful words of two Christian musicians to hug, not snap, me out of it. Like a comforting embrace I was flooded with encouragement that no matter how far down I go, even behavioral wise, I am unconditionally love by my Jesus… flooded with encouragement in being not alone, being understood and being allowed to deal with this as it comes… I came home today feeling indeed loved despite all my physical and emotional wrinkles and issues of late.
I have hope in the beauty I see in other un-whole people I see around me, for this is not so unique as we all would like to believe, beauty that was a refining of character in Christ. I too can attain this beauty in adversity, as they did. I can shine as they do and bless as they bless me… and hang on for now to my Jesus, coping with this new twist in a life of twists… a life that will always have its issues because this is earth… not heaven…
whole – not broken, damaged, or impaired; intact
… Are any of us really whole in this life?