All posts in Marriage Monday

Money Talk (Marriage Monday)

Money is opportunity for a couple to work on surrender.

Money is something that can clearly effect ones relationship with each other negatively; thus certainly can stress the spiritual connection we have with Christ.  It is something that can give a person the allusion of control over their life and thus tempt one to surrender less or to see less value in surrender to Jesus.  The antidote to this temptation is indeed surrender!

Keeping Christ out of any area in our lives is not an option for the Christian.  For us, finances are just as much a faith conversation as a part of our physical circumstances.  That being said, tithing isn’t the subject in our home, when it comes to money and our faith.   The conversation is focused on the idea of including our money when we talk about and act on the concept of living in Christ.  We don’t see it as a way to live for him but to surrender to him. 

In agreement my husband and I don’t tithe.  We have moved away from the commandment idea, and are working on the ‘living in the Spirit’ reality instead.  We have a goal in mind, a goal to continue increasing in our giving and at the same time to put a cap on our lifestyle increase… in this way we hope to walk more in faith and worship day to day; understanding surrender as worship and faith building.  We hope to consciously choose to fight against the ‘american dream’ self increase ideal and instead grow in a wholly surrendered life in Christ.

Hold to your spouse and walk this road together with joy and faith!
Hold not to your finances but to Christ.


Marriage Monday is a link up opportunity, where a collection of blogging Christian women get together to post on a marriage related topic.  Click linky below to see what else was contributed and consider joining up yourself!

First Monday of every month at Chrysalis


ROMANCE (Marriage Monday)

~WASTE NOT a minute of your time together~

Life is short, eternity doesn’t include marriage so enjoy it while you can!  With how fast time moves, the older you get and the more kids you have, you must seize the moment.  While my man can be ‘shy’ about hugs and kisses in public I am not.  He has learned to let me, and I have learned to find a lot of pleasure out of his embarrassment (wink).  Basically, even if the kids are around we flirt, tease and laugh with one another because lets face it, date nights and perfect romantic moments alone are rare, due to financial limitations and the amount of little people we have to disrupt it all.  Every little moment to be romantic counts.  He passes me in the kitchen and I grab his beard and pull him in for a kiss.  I walk by with the laundry and he gives me a hug (upsetting the laundry).  We are getting pretty good at not wasting time, so much so that the kids have noticed.  The other night I said, more to my man then to the kids, “Off to bed you guys, I need to give your Dad trouble for eating all my goat cheese (yes I take my favorite snacks seriously)”.  To this my daughter responded with, “Oh yeah right (sarcasm already, she is only ten), you’re just gonna cover him in smooch-y kisses”!

~ TAKE IT, it is yours to possess~

I knew even when we where still dating that I was the romantic one.  The one who needed, and noticed the most romantic little moments.  Thus I quickly got good at telling him clearly what we should do, pointing out when we where in the middle of a perfectly romantic moment, and MAKING THEM HAPPEN MYSELF.

(Bike riding together at river.)

The way I got over the feminine tendency to be frustrated at him, for ‘not getting it on his own’, was to start seeing when he actually was being romance in ‘his own way’, and to accept, appreciatively, his uniqueness in this area.  When he would throw me over his shoulder and laugh at my screams, this was romantic to him.  When he would buy me a chocolate bar and eat half then smile as I reprimanded him, this was romantic to him.  When he follows me with his eyes, usually when I am sick or tired or just a mess, this is VERY romantic to him.  All of the previously mentioned ‘man romance’ moments now make me laugh, and love him even more!  Finding contentment in how one another ticks, finding joy at how unique they are from what  ones culture calls ‘romantic’, is key to a happy and flirt-y relationship.

 Practically, we literally carve out time for one another.  Yes we try to go on dates but mostly we work hard to keep our schedules much more calm then what is normal speed all around us.  We make it a family priority to have plenty of unplanned free time for all, and then to enjoy it with one another.

Time is so romantic 🙂

First Monday of every month at Chrysalis


Intimacy (Marriage Monday)

Sex with your spouse because more enjoyable when:

  • Both person’s are thinking of the other; the other’s desires, needs and just about them in general.
  • You accept men and women work differently and don’t judge but willingly  work with the, not always complimentary, way we each are.
  • You are free with one another, brave, able to try new and fresh things together.
  • You trust one another.  Trust is earned but is also given when you really love someone and want to build your faith in them.
  • You give MORE time for one another, not worrying about it being quality but quantity.
  • You are intimate more often; the more you have sex the better it gets.

First Monday of every month at Chrysalis


Submitting In Marriage (Marriage Monday)

(A Pretty Little Valentines Cupcake.FEB14th/12)

Being truly transformed in Christ will flip our human nature on its head.  In Ephesians 5 Paul shows he clearly understood, through the guidance of the Holy Ghost, that men and women alike, although in different ways unique to our sex, are inherently selfish.   Thus comes the call to SUBMIT to one another.  Seeking out our own desires and benefits can not coexist with a healthy lifestyle in Christ.

Marriage requires SO MUCH trust in ones life partner.  If I had felt I could not trust a man to lead my family I wouldn’t have entered holy matrimony.  In fact, I had no intentions of putting myself under the headship of another man once I was free to leave my fathers home.  I had grand plans to live on my own with a cabin, a farm and a successful career in the library field. Jesus had something better in mind.  I had no idea this better future involved a complex love that would push me, and growing me, and would be found in the arms of the man God created for me.  I married Garnet because I knew I could trust and respect him; both of which sprang out of the love.  I married him because I saw with in us the ability to compromise and work together, I had a strong hope in a continual growth of character that would make putting one another first easier.


Submission is so important in a marriage, like bending prevents one from breaking.  A woman can, through submission, seek to protect a mans reputation, give him honor before her children and help him in his call on earth with her love, support and sharing of her gifts; yet ultimately my man understands all this must come from Christ first.  I am human, I will fail him, so all submission and trust must FIRST be in his Saviour.  The same part of the Bible that speaks of women submitting to their man also clearly points out a large calling to the men, to love their wives as Christ did the Church.  I have also had to expect his shortcomings in this area.  He is human and will fail me.  I too must expect such a high calling to first come through my relationship with my Jesus. 

Submission on my part and sacrificial love on his part can’t be done in our own strength, or even with extensive knowledge and understanding of the scriptures.  It is a larger then life request that we can only hope to succeed in through Jesus Christ.  FIRST we must be submitting our good and bad to Christ, both of us must be living out THE CALL and every waking moment in Jesus…. as worship to Jesus.  The rest will work itself out as we are transformed in and by our Lord.

P.S. Click on the below link-y to check out the other contributions to this weeks topic:)

First Monday of every month at Chrysalis


Overcoming Apathy (Marriage Monday)

(My man and I, braving -35 weather for a walk together.)

We laugh together.  When we are really not feeling the excitement in our relationship we talk till we laugh and laugh till we are kissing.  He is so good at making me laugh and I apparently am entertainingly funny when I am not even trying, he has alluded to it being my cute factor or some other such nonsense.

We purposely decide to hold one anothers hands more often, kiss more often; flirt more in general.

We have fun together.  Over the years we have found many things we don’t both like but a few we both really really like and so we make time to get alone and do these things, like go for a walk with the camera and take pictures then mess with them on gimp (a photo editing program), or exercise (I know, sounds nutty but we both like the same types of exercise).  Take a bike ride together, jog together by the river or skate and toboggan with plenty of goofing off involved.

It is hard to get apathetic with this man because we find so much time for one another, time to enjoy all of the above, the laughter, the flirting and the activities.

Enjoy your marriage!

First Monday of every month at Chrysalis


MARRIAGE MONDAY Reboot if you will :)

(My eldest three and I performing for a non-family audience for the first time.)

After a holiday break we are all meeting up once again, thanks to our host at . We where requested to do up this little fill in the blank style post to help reacquaint ourselves.
I am….. better then my human potential.
I want….. too much for myself.
I have….. more then I deserve.
I wish….. I had more time to perfect hobbies and talents.
I hate….. migraines (they are new to me and not welcome).
I miss….. the northern forests I was raised in.
I fear….. phobias… they are a more physical fear as you often don’t realise you have them till put in the situation where your body really shuts down.  Being underground is that for me…fainted a few times before realising I was even afraid in such a circumstance.
I feel….. disappointed in my health.
I hear….. music almost all the time, I am either listening to it or making it.
I smell….. very little since I was born without this sense.
I crave….. chocolate
I search….. for little moments in time that are often over looked.
I wonder….. at God and all his mystery.
I regret….. time spent regretting instead of learning from mistakes.
I love….. Garnet.
I ache….. when I see painful things my kids must go through, especially when I can identify with them.
I care….. too deeply about what others think when they aren’t being clear about it… must stop reading between the lines.
I always….. enjoy tea and a good book.
I am not….. good at forgetting.
I believe….. in truth.
I dance….. often with the kids, not well, but I can’t help moving!
I sing….. with my eldest three in public. Singing I have done since I was small but it is made anew in sharing it with my kids!
I cry….. easily
I don’t always….. pray and think first.
I fight….. more appropriately, thanks to my husbands ‘good form’ (behavior that conforms to social conventions of the time; “it is not good form to brag about winning”) in this regard.
I write….. often but rarely with paper and pen any more.
I never…. get it all right.
I listen….. better but need to practice growth in this area.
I need….. Jesus
I am happy….. based on happenstance thus I trust more in the JOY my saviour provides.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD. (Prov 18:22 NASB)

First Monday of every month at Chrysalis


The Engagement (Marriage Monday)

Under A Tree
Two young people sit under a tree, at their favourite city park.
He is reading to her, from Galatians…
She is leaning against him.
Mid sentence he turns her around and asks ‘Will you marry me?’
In shock, she threatens that this had better not be a joke.
In a demanding voice she points out he seems surprised that he asked, and had better be very very sure.
The color returns to his face and he starts to giggle while assuring her of his sincerity.
There under the tree two young people kissed, for the first time.
They both where trembling.
She cried and said yes.
He hugged her close.
The children near by, in the park, christened the event with an chorus of ‘ewwwwwww’!
There was no ring, but they didn’t need one to know their hearts where stuck together.
There was no bowing of the knee, no ceremony and honestly no planning, but they didn’t notice.
All they saw was one another and all they would remember was the question, the answer and the kiss.

Over a month later they returned and he bent to one knee, she put on her best surprised face and he unrolled his sock and took out a ring for her. It had been their secret for a month…

And it all started under a tree in their favourite park.


P.s. When we renewed our vows, on our tenth anniversary, we went back to that tree and took photos together, thus the two photos at the top of this post. The first is us in 1999 and the second is us in 2010.

First Monday of every month at Chrysalis


TIME (Marriage Monday)

(Flirting while snow gusts at us from off of the roof, it is amazing how fun time can be if you let it slow you down.)

Time is only of lasting worth if you turn it into memories. Slowing it all down, focusing directly on it at the time, seems to be the only way to really find the memories that should be yours. If you aren’t checked in you aren’t really owning it, even if everyone around you is.

People are what makes time worth it. Avoiding time sucking selfish activities is essential to blissful moments to look back at. Find your people and BE with them. My husband and kids are top of my list for human beings worthy of my precious time; and I try hard to be a keeper of moments where they are concerned. The best memories aren’t made but observed and allowed to happen. When they arrive I am zealous about recording them in my heart and being thankful for them. We all turn to ashes and it is always inopportune, so love with your time and the rest really does work itself out under that banner of love.

As a Christian my value of time has been heightened and the clarity with which I can live is intense. I have no time for regrets, guilt, grudges or unforgiveness; basically selfishness, as it ruins my time. If I hold on to all that nasty time stealing stuff the present will lack memories worth hugging to my heart, my future will look nothing but heavy and my past lovely memories will eventually be drowned out by the bleak. Christ is the expert in living free to enjoy TIME, hold to him and his teaching and watch how very magnificent your time will become!

P.s. The more time you put at something the better it gets so season your family, your marriage, with quantity time and don’t worry about quality time.

Other Time Posts


I am sure there are more in my archives, this is a favourite topic of mine since I realised it is natural for humans to waste time… sad but natural and often what comes naturally really needs to be retrained to what is healthy.

First Monday of every month at Chrysalis


In-law Monday (Marriage Monday)

(A carving my father in-law made for us. He chose the fairy tale imagery because of my interest in all things romantic. I call it my hobbit house.)

I have in-laws, like any married woman, and I like to remind myself that my husband THUS has in-laws too.

No matter how you were draw to your spouse you will find many differences in upbringing, thus many differences in your views of the world and your in-laws views of the world. Just as you have to work at the marriage relationship because you will both be joining two different worlds together; you also have to put the same effort at joining with your in-laws world. The idea is to not look at this relationship selfishly but to remember you and your husband both have to make an effort to understand people who are often largely so very different from you.

In my marriage it is very true that opposites did attract. Therefore, another thing I like to remind myself of is how could I have found such a perfect match if not for who his parents are? If they weren’t different from me they could not have made my opposite.

Put your spouse first and also remember other couples need do the same, remember your in-laws are a couple.

Hope always… sometimes the understanding that you come from different worlds and neither is cut and dry wrong will not be reciprocated. Or the understanding of you and your spouse having to put one another first will not be seen for the necessity it is… in such cases hope always, avoid bitterness, forgive and pray for reconciliation… you can do no more for the rest is up to Christ and other peoples hearts, neither of which can you control.

First Monday of every month at Chrysalis


The Children Topic (Marriage Monday)

I knew I wanted a baby. He knew he wanted a big family… and of course that starts with babies. We were both young. We didn’t live as a married couple for more then a year before we had our first child and so we grew up raising kids, in a way. I was ready…him… perhaps not so much.

The first think I noticed about children is they push you, to be more patient, to be more selfless, to sacrifice. They also push at moms and dads. It is easy to loose touch with your spouse once there is a new member of the family to get to know and to make welcome.

Marriages can be strained by the arrival of children but I think a sure fire way to avoid that is to be one anothers best friend. Garnet and I started out as friends and have remained best friends as well as lovers. Parenting made that more tricky and at first as he continued to do his young man thing we drifted apart as I did my young mom thing. The best thing we ever did for our marriage, during that time of life, was to start integrating him into every little thing in babies world.

By baby number three he got it, that there was plenty of things he could do with the baby too and the attachment becomes stronger faster for him the more he is involved. I also got it, to let him help and not be too controlling about how I wanted things done. He had to brave a world more familiar to moms perhaps and I had to share our babies.

Not only did this increase the quality of his relationship with our kids, girls and boys alike, but it brought back that best friend relationship between he and I. I wasn’t doing it all and he wasn’t feeling put on the shelf. We were working together, trouble shooting as a team. Conversation between us and time together was far more frequent as he became more a part of my busy baby filled world.

The marriage relationship should never be put on the back burner, even for the kids, because it will hurt them long term too if mom and dads relationship suffer. We found it can be tricky to find time and energy for one another OFTEN ENOUGH if you divide the mom and dad work strictly and traditionally. New mom and dads need to find their parent groove together. Don’t be too worried about how you always thought it should be and instead worry about being in one anothers day to day world. You are going to need one another!

First Monday of every month at Chrysalis