Here (sixteen)

Writing is a soothing process for me. Thoughts are collected, lessons are established, memories are recorded, thus in the process all the more cherished, and feelings are unraveled, sorted so the monster is taken out of the emotions. Sometimes sitting here and trying to write a post that makes sense just helps me make sense of myself. A good writing session and looking over the completed first draft I often, at that point, find the answers I need and find which of the above things I am working out.

LATELY! I am so frazzled. The most ordinary of tasks seem like too much unless I can do them one at a time… if only I had a one track mind! If only a mothers life wasn’t multitask required!

I want so terribly to cram every thing into a compartment and that control freak in me then wants it to all STAY there neat and tidy… but there is no such thing as orderly, or neat and tidy in a mothers world… not for long anyhow…

Jittery! I feel like I can only settle it all down and just breath in my own home, when it is a quiet time and place and… well… my job is for ever requiring BUSYNESS and there is rarely a dull moment around here let alone a quiet and still place to be had.

As soon as my husband is around I want to hide… ‘HERE, take the kids!’… I want to hide among the bushes at the side of the house or in the back yard under the guise of hanging more laundry or fussing with the garden… always looking for ways to doddle and prolong reentering the world that is mine… and yet… it is mine, this is it… if I could just settle down… I would remember I am thankful and this is a blessing and this is what I signed on for and I am okay…

I am tired.

Yes he is my living water and often times I find Jesus in refreshing places in my life… but right now I have no literal quiet place to go to… so… SO THANK GOD he isn’t limited to me finding a time and place. Thank GOD he is right here, the atmosphere, I just have to breath him in… breath… no need to try to find him or to try to get away from my real world… just breath him in… THANK YOU JESUS for being HERE!

TTFN

One Comment on "Here (sixteen)"

  1. nanny says:

    Good morning my dear daughter. Well written, so true, you are not alone. Many of us have been there and many are in your moment now. Just draw on Christ’s spirit and one issue at a time and count your blessings even when they tire you out. Praying for strength for you always. Love Mom

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