Winter easily haunts me with my past.
Sentimental feelings can be soothing, lovely and warm; and also fill your chest with that heavy lump, becoming painful like the sting of tears welling up only to be fought down.
I sat in a familiar way last night, deep in a snow bank. I stared in a familiar way at the winter sky. I felt a familiar feeling, a feeling of wanting to stay there in the still cold winter night, alone , and yet beginning to get cold already… knowing I would be forced to go in as chill sets in… Past winters flooded back as I partook of this childhood habit. I always enjoyed embracing the hug of winter, that friendly and also eerie stifling silence and stillness of the snow and cold. Being out in a winter night makes your thoughts pound in your head.
It was easy for me to see why someone could get caught up in wanting to go back. I was in a moment very familiar to my youthful self and I wanted to feel more of a connection with that girl I was, to the point of perhaps desiring a replay of my youth. But, I am not a child anymore, I know I can’t go back. It is natural to wish for a return to simpler times but I also know the truth is it wouldn’t be healthy for us to go back. Growing is not easy but it is what is best for us.
May I remain childlike at heart and grow.
So I hope to sit in another snowbank soon, stare at the sky and remember that little northern girl. The girl who found it delicious to sit alone in the snow and listen to the stillness of winter
TTFN
