(Look at that sunbeam! Wishing for such a glow on my rocker today…)As soon as I got home from the mom’s group I go to I took off my nice outfit and put on the comfies… which apparently isn’t a word so how about frumpies…, reached for the ‘I’m sad’ comforting grey sweater because being sad always leaves me chilled. I wanted to make my favorite curry egg salad sandwich and have it with pickles but I was already too tired to make it and the chocolate bar was just sitting there in my fridge…where did you come from? Oh well, I know where you are going! A cup of tea and a bowl of cinnamon smothered granola is all I can handle preparing right now and then I have to hit the rocking chair… a nap is on the horizon… I am going to curl up in the fetal position and wish there was a sunbeam to warm me up instead of a cloudy damp day that encourages my mood.
Which resulted from another fight with my eldest…
Which makes my Mama heart want to break…
So emotional I kept tearing up at mom’s group over the littlest things… I cried on the way home because there was an emotional song on the radio (had nothing to do with my circumstances but he sure sounded passionate and sad).
It isn’t a crushed kinda sad, in fact I feel very far removed from depression… I just get tired when I cry hard and then the tears keep sneaking out the rest of the day sometimes. I saw the victory and the hope… before she left today we where able to hug and share kisses… The patch up job came from a strength beyond me, it came from Jesus and I am so grateful today for his direct interest in my family dynamics and relationships!
Well my tea is ready and the granola is calling my name…
TTFN
The pic of the sunbeam on your rocker is very inviting! I will continue to pray for you and your daughter. I am grateful for you, and so thankful for the invite last night. It was beyond needed!
The emotional pains of dealing with our children are some of the hardest. Some people just divorce themselves from the struggle and do not deal with it. The better relationships and adults will come from parents who take each issue before the Lord and remembering that these are “children”, rise above the hurt they cause you and help them to learn a better way. Be confident that you are the MOTHER in this Rebecca. She will love you no matter what she says and does. You have a future goal in this that she certainly can’t see as a child. I have the most beautiful daughter with the best heart who was once a little girl. Just look how she turned out. Praise the Lord Jesus. Love MOM
Your mom is ALWAYS your MOM! Becky, when I was 17 or so…or maybe even 20 I once punched a whole in a wall (not for the first time) and told my mom to F-off. I would yell and scream (much as I do to Jesse when I lose control to this day) and tell her how much I hated her. But she is my MOM! No matter what happens, we love each other. Even though we still have hurdles in our relationship, we both love each other and are thankful for each other. We are always meanest to the ones we are closest to and that’s just because we trust them more. No, it’s not nice or fair, but it does show that whether she likes it or not she does feel safe enough to lash out. It’ll take you years to figure it all out, and then there will be something new to work at. But one thing is for sure, you will ALWAYS be her MOM, and it’s not just a title:-)
Love you Becky, keep up the good work!